13: Marriage and Divorce

Christians take sexual morality very seriously, and in this way they have much in common with most other religions. There seems to be something within the religious spirit which regards sexuality as not to be taken lightly. The best way of looking at this matter is to realise that in Christianity we have a distinct way of life, and an integral part of this way of life is a certain attitude to sexual relationships. Other ways of life are possible, and these will have their own patterns of sexuality, but you cannot mix them with Christianity.

What, therefore, is Christianity's attitude to sexual relationships? Let us look first at the principles on which the Christian attitude is based:

1. Love is the basic principle on which Christian life is founded. This is not physical attraction or friendship, but agape (pronounced a-gap-ay), which is Greek for self-giving love. It is not just that Christians forbid unloving sexual relationships; they forbid unloving relationships of any kind.
2. People who love are deeply sensitive to the needs and feelings of those they love, and they hate to hurt, reject or damage them in any way. Christians feel that you should never enter a sexual relationship which will be hurtful or emotionally damaging to your partner. They feel that entering a sexual relationship with a person without the intention of permanence will lead to that person being hurt and rejected. This is harmful to the victim and degrading to the culprit.

"If you want to be promiscuous, you have to be willing to hurt people's feelings." Do you agree?

Having read the passage above, why do you think Christians reject extramarital sex, that is sex without any intention of marriage?

"It is better to suffer evil than to commit it." (Socrates). "When you harm another person you degrade yourself." Would you agree that these principles are important as guides for sexual conduct?

Christians believe that sexual activity should result in a sharing of two lives in genuine love. They also believe that love should be fertile, so they value children and parenthood. Extramarital sex does not fit into this Christian way of life. However, the question of whether two people engaged in a loving relationship can make love before they commit themselves sin marriage must be raised. Clearly, we are talking about genuine love here.

Christians have generally rejected sex before marriage between courting couples, and in this way they are no different from Moslems and other religions, but they disagree about exactly why it is unacceptable. It is possible to say that the link in the Christian mind between sexual relationships and commitment is so strong that Christians believe in waiting until marriage. It is also possible to suggest that the Christian mind links sexual activity with family life so strongly that Christians are unwilling to do anything to sever the link between sexual activity and family relationships.

"It's a good idea to have a trial marriage or live together before you marry." Why do you think Christians disagree with this claim?

Read Mark 10: 1-12

Jewish law allowed divorce. There were two views. The school of Shammai thought that a man could divorce his wife on serious grounds; the school of Hillel thought that as a wife was the man's property he could divorce her at will. When the Pharisees approached Jesus to ask his views, they were simply finding out which side he was one. Jesus' answer was that divorce was allowed only because of their hardness of hearts. He went on to say that it was not God's original intention that divorce should happen. As Jesus had come to establish God's kingdom, divorce was unacceptable. In a religion of love and forgiveness, there can be no divorce. Simply, a true Christian who wants to live according to Christ's teachings cannot divorce. Christians are confident that through prayer and the influence of God in their lives they can together overcome problems.

However, if we look carefully at the words of Jesus he says that whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. It seems that he was blaming the person who did the divorcing. He does not blame the victim for remarriage. You will note that the last line passes equal blame on women who divorce their husbands. This was not allowed in Judaism, but it was the case in Rome where Mark wrote. Here is evidence that the gospel text has been modified to bring out its full meaning in a new situation.

Why do Christians disapprove of divorce?

It is clear here that Jesus was condemning those who get rid of their partner. What do you think he would have said about those who divorce by mutual consent?

How might the Christian faith help partners in marriage difficulties to sort things out.

If two people love each other and are prepared to work at their marriage, then Christians believe they will succeed. The trouble comes when one partner will not work at it as fully as the other, if at all. The situation can become extreme. Situations sadly are not always as Christians want them to be, and Christians can find themselves in problem relationships. If we look at Matthew 5, 31-32, Jesus is quoted as banning divorce except for fornication. Fornication means sexual relationships before marriage, so the meaning of Jesus' words is puzzling. Some Christians take them to mean adultery, but the Catholic Church has never accepted this. Fornication was a name given by Jews to idol worship. This may means that when one partner is not a Christian the marriage might be dissolved? Matthew's gospel and is deeply concerned with the problems faced by the Church.

How do you think a Christian ought to respond if their partner commits adultery?

We come now to the interesting area of Pauline privilege.

Read First Corinthians 7, 10-16.

Paul was dealing with the problem of a Christian converts married to pagans. His opinion was that they should stay married, but if the pagan would not live at peace with them, the Christian partner was not bound to them and could contract a new marriage on becoming a Christian.

Another area of importance is annulment. This method is used by the Roman Catholic Church. The principle when people take marriage vows they must intend to keep them. If they do not intend to keep the vows, then at a later stage the injured partner may seek to have the marriage declared null, that is no marriage. Many people see annulment as an underhand kind of divorce. This is untrue. It is a serious way to address some very difficult problems.

The Roman Catholic Church does not allow divorce other than the Pauline Privilege outlined above. but it does grant annulments.

Outline the ways in which the churches attempt to deal with the problems posed by marital breakdown without being unfaithful to Christ's teaching.
It is sometimes claimed that annulment is divorce by the backdoor. Do you agree with this statement?

Task RC 11

Some people have pre-marriage contracts which specify what jobs will be done by which partner. Others consider such rigid contracts potentially disastrous. What are your views? Are they consistent with a Christian view of marriage?